I want Candy DEAD
by Okami.Yumigami
Summary: This is what happens when I get bored. Alfred wants Candy(Fem!Japan) but Arthur wants to kill her. *Rated for language, based off the song I want Candy...Dead by Geoffrey Paris*


**I want Candy...DEAD.**

The phone was ringing near Arthur assuming someone would get it he didn't answer until the 5th ring. "Will somebody answer the fucking phone? Good lord..." he sighed then picked the phone up.

Arthur looked at the caller ID. It was Alfred, Arthur sighed and accepted the call. "Hello?" he said "Hey Artie!" Alfred laughed "my name isn't _Artie_..." Arthur sighed, everyone knew he hated being called that, almost as much as being called 'Iggy' or 'Iggy brows'. "Hey, it's Alfred." Alfred said "that's great..." Arthur rolled his eyes, he already knew who it was. "I'm gonna go see this girl." he laughed again then Arthur's eyes widened "I thought we were gonna have an orgy!" he yelled into the phone. "No. No. Her name is Sakura." he said not caring about what Arthur had to say. "I don't care what her name is!" he yelled once again "she's real cute. I gotta go. See ya!" he laughed then hung up. Arthur sat the phone down "oh hell no..." he muttered then went to 'spy' on Alfred and Sakura's date. Of what he assumed was a date that is.

Alfred was still at home getting ready singing. Who knew Alfred would actually sing about someone.

"I know a girl who's tough but sweet~." Alfred sang while Arthur stared "more like sour.." he said low enough where Alfred didn't know he was there. "She's so fine she can't be beat~!" he continued to sing "I'll fucking beat her..." Arthur muttered. "She's got everything that I desire." he still kept singing "yeah, well she's missing a few inches..." Arthur muttered again. "Set the summer sun on fire~!" he sang almost laughing "I'll light her on fire..." he frowned.

"I want Candy!" he sang. "Wait. I thought her name was Sakura?"Arthur thought. "Ew..." Arthur made a disgusted face when he thought of what 'Candy' could be.

"I want Candy!" Alfred repeated "I didn't know you liked the taco.." Arthur smirked "I want Candy!" Alfred said again "are you sure it's not Randy?" Arthur asked quietly "I want Candy!" Alfred said for the last time or what Arthur thought would be the last time. "I'll kill that bitch..." Arthur said still spying.

"Go to see her when the sun goes down~." Alfred sang "you always told me you were going to the bathroom!" Arthur jumped up but then jumped back down before Alfred could notice him, thankfully he didn't.

"Ain't no finer girl in town~!" he sang "Becase she's a slut!" Arthur muttered but wanted to yell. "And that isn't correct grammar you git!" Arthur thought. "You're my girl, what the doctor ordered." Alfred sang getting out an outfit "I didn't know you could have a _skank _as a prescription..." Arthur smirked to himself. "So sweet she makes my mouth water~." Arthur just continued to smirk at all this. "Because my cock was in her mouth.." he still was smirking. What is wrong with Arthur? It's nothing to really smirk about.

"I want Candy~." Alfred sang "yeah, candy penis." Arthur laughed silently. "I want Candy~." he sang again "you're gonna smell like fish..." Arthur rolled his eyes. "I want Candy!" once again Alfred sang "bitch you're _**not**_ Willy Wonka.." Arthur rolled his eyes again. "I want Candy!" sang for what is now almost the last time "she's just a loose-pussy ho!" Arthur complained to himself.

"Hey!" Alfred said getting dressed, Arthur jumped. He knew he was there? "What?" Arthur looked up "hey!" he said again "what?!" Arthur said about to yell. "Hey!" Alfred said again "why do you keep saying hey?" Arthur thought. "Hey!" Alfred got on his top while saying that "stop it." Arthur stared "Hey!" he grinned and got on his pants "I will kill you. Shut up." Arthur face palmed. "Hey!"

"Candy on the beach, there's nothing better." Alfred hummed walking to the bathroom "oh, gag me with a spoon..." Arthur sighed. "But I like Candy when it's wrapped in a sweater~!" he laughed, brushing his hair, still unaware Arthur was _kind of_ stalking him. "Well isn't that kinky?" Arthur said almost at a mutter. "Someday soon I'll make you mine." he continued to sing putting down the hair brush "you're a cockeye, I don't want you.." Arthur rolled his eyes, loosing interest of just watching Alfred get ready. "Then I'll have Candy all the time~." he just kept singing "You'll have the smell of fish all the time!" Arthur jumped down from where he was. (He was sitting on a window thingy...)

"I want Candy!" Alfred smiled now brushing his teeth, when did Alfred really do this anyway? "It's not even Halloween!" Arthur muttered, in the house hiding like a boss. "I want Candy!" he sang putting the tooth brush back in its spot. "She's not even a _REAL _girl!" Arthur stomped his foot, wondering how in gods name Alfred didn't know he was here. "I want Candy!" he sang, walking out finding his shoes "Great. Lets go to Walmart and get some." Arthur said which made Alfred look around then shrug it off after he couldn't find who said it. "I want Candy!" Alfred said getting his shoes on. "Oh god, we get the point!" Arthur groaned.

"Candy in the morning time." Alfred hummed "ew.." Arthur made a disgusted face again. "Candy in the hot sunshine!" he sang, searching for his keys that Arthur may or may not have hidden. "Ew.." another face givin' by Arthur. "Candy, baby, can't you see~?" Alfred sang as he looked under some papers "no..." Arthur stared blankly from his hiding spot. "All I want is your Candy!" he cheered "gross.." Arthur made yet another disgusted face.

"Candy in the morning time." Alfred hummed looking under a pile of clothing "ew.." Arthur just kept staring and wondering when in gods name he'll notice him hiding. "Candy in the hot sunshine." he sang, giving up on the pile of clothing then looked in the kitchen. "Ew.." Arthur sighed. "Candy, baby, can't you see?" he sang again then looked around the table in there "no." Arthur replied not caring if Alfred saw him but he didn't. "All I want is your Candy!" he smiled still looking for his keys.

"Hey!" Alfred cheered "oh not again!" Arthur face palmed. "Hey!" he clapped "shut up..!" Arthur groaned "Hey! All I want is your Candy~!" Alfred sang "Shut up! I will kill you. I will kill you with my eyeliner." Arthur faced palmed "Hey! All I want is your Candy~!" he sang then found his keys. "I'll kill that bitch too.." Arthur muttered walking out of the house before Alfred could find him then Arthur went to get drunk.


End file.
